Home (Explicit)
by sopranish
Summary: In which Castiel spends a little time as a human, faces Metatron, and makes his choices, all with the right people by his side. Takes place just after Season 8. (NC-17 only at the end. PG-13/R until then).


It had taken Castiel nearly a day, but he had found the Men of Letters' headquarters, his memory seemingly intact. He'd waited a few hours for the Winchesters, around the side out of sight, hurting, trying to get it all straight. When they'd come back, Cas had not quite been sure if he'd be welcomed.

"Cas!" Dean had screamed. And Sam supported him when he faltered down the stairs, Dean looking almost stricken and quickly asking the basics.

"Are you, what, human? Do you remember anything? What the heck happened?". Castiel had hardly known how to answer.

Now, as evening goes on, Sam finds him a room, some clothes of his and Dean's he thinks Cas might wear.

"Cas, no disrespect, but do you know how to use a bathroom and shower and everything? Just let us know what you need, it's ok," Sam encourages. Dean leans against the hallway wall, looking on, waiting too anxiously for the answers.

"I… remember parts of my life as Emmanuel, the basic habits at least. But, if it's alright, I'd like to just have coffee for now, and get to the rest later." Dean is starting another pot before he's done talking, smiling at this apparent addiction.

Cas comes into Dean's room that first night, it seems almost by default. He's still wearing his suit pants and white shirt, just a few buttons undone, tie half open. He's not ready to shed more yet. Even though it's dirty in a way it never was before, he just can't yet. But without a word he climbs into Dean's bed anyway- invited by the raised blanket of someone who comforted a little brother on too many terrible nights. They don't spoon; Castiel grabs, holds Dean flush against him and buries his face in Dean's chest. Suddenly the need to weep he's been fighting for hours abates, and shame can't quite take its place. Dean clicks off the light, then wraps his arms tight around him and holds him fast, even as they sleep.

It's the first time they've touched as humans. And Dean can't believe the feeling of somehow having missed it anyway. Cas can't imagine continuing exist like this without it.

The next few days bring meals of more than coffee, showers, and a change of clothes only while Sam gets the suit cleaned.

"You ready to talk about this yet, man? How are you doing?" Dean asks over breakfast alone after the fifth night Cas has spent in his room, always the same way.

"There's little to say," Cas honestly says. "I don't feel like myself, but I'm still me. Once again I overreached, trusted wrongly. I brought down part of creation. I… I was a Seraph. The action of God's, or at least celestial, intent incarnate. I was a soldier, commanded a garrison. And I was duped. And I doubt I can make anything right, as I've always failed. That is how I'm doing." Castiel's eyes still bore into Dean's like they used to, just as brightly. The fire there is not of heaven, but no less honest and real.

With that Cas slumps toward a storage room. To research or pray, no doubt. Dean feels his sudden absence keenly, just as when Castiel had vanished more literally. The similar urge to reach out and grab the guy makes his mouth tick up and stomach churn. But the one time he reached out and grabbed Castiel- into a hug, in Purgatory- there was no response. The past few days are just trauma, healing. At least Cas knows to trust him for that, that's something.

"So get this," Sam bursts in from downstairs. "There's a way to fight back."

When the fight comes, it comes to the Winchesters and Castiel, lured. But angels, as were, stand with them. Metatron has a few angels in Heaven allied to his own control, apparently. But mortality comes with rage and and purpose angels can never anticipate.

So when fire starts to rain down from the sky, they are ready. In the chaos, Sam uses spells Dean didn't even know he'd learned. Mortal angels fight with the skill of assassins. Each one shivers at the death of a brother on either side.

And Dean's mind rattles a little. "ET going home." He knows that's only right, and this spell will close the door if they win. In nearly 6 months he hasn't slept a single night without Castiel crushed to his chest, pulling him flush, clinging to the body and soul he once raised from perdition. And only once did Dean indulge in kissing the top of that disheveled stupid head.

Dean shoves an angel blade through an enemy angel's neck and clears his head.

When Metatron appears with a light too intense and a noise like a voice Dean hasn't heard since he first came out of Hell, Dean passes out.

Castiel scoops Dean up- still surprised to find any weight a burden, but especially feeling odd working to carry this body he once moved and raised, healed with a touch. But carry him he does, quickly hiding Dean behind brush at the edge of the field.

"Castiel, brother," Metatron begins when Castiel reaches him, "if you want so badly, you can return as one of my own. But I doubt that's your style. So I'll be kind and let you live here. Or I'll end your mayfly life now and bar you from Heaven eternally. You choose." And then a blast of energy knocks Cas back, Metatron coming to stand and lean over him.

Castiel doesn't hear angels telling him to give in or beg. He doesn't listen to Sam yelling, "Run, damnit!" He thinks of Dean's cockiness that's won so many fights. He thinks of Dean's faith in him. His silent prayers to Cas as he runs into any fight he pretends to know he can win.

And he kicks Metatron in the neck, tearing the vial of his own grace from the cord around his neck.

"I choose taking your smug face down!" Castiel snarls as he breaks the vial with Metatron's drawn blade. Sam is there to hold Metatron down as Castiel drains his grace from his neck into another vial, of Cas's mortal blood. And Castiel uses the blade to end Metatron forever.

The sky erupts into explosions of light, energy crackling and drawing into him, the comet of his grace fitting back into his chosen vessel.

One by one the angels disappear in flashes, returning home, a plan for the rest of the spell in place.

Dean wakes up suddenly to an odd sensation. Like floating but awkward. He opens his eyes and sees above him Castiel's jaw, looking straight ahead. Castiel's body, clothes torn. He realizes Cas is carrying him as if he weighed nothing.

"Shit, what the fuck" he murmurs, a little shame at being carried like a baby warring with the terrible realization that this kind of strength isn't mortal. And that he apparently not only passed out, but wimped out on his six months of chances to even admit he wanted to avoid this impending loss.

"Hello, Dean." Dean could swear the angel was smirking at his swearing. He tries not to grin in spite of himself, and just looks his fill as Cas looks forward. Somehow he can't not enjoy this feeling of being held so securely, despite what it means.

Outside the bunker, Dean's finally able to stand on his own.

"I'll be back," Cas barely says before he's gone. Dean figures he just got the worst goodbye ever, and finally follows Sam into the bunker. Sam grabs his shoulder as they walk down the stairs, but Dean just walks on ahead, slamming the door to his room. Sam isn't exactly surprised.

But Dean is when, not five minutes into keeping his head in his hands to avoid screaming, a gust of wind and Castiel blow into his room. His red-rimmed eyes just stare, shocked.

"I said I'd be back," Cas answers his confused look.

"But… how? The spell. The doors close from the inside…"

"And it is being finished by someone else." Castiel states firmly, obviously. Dean's mouth fails at a response, but apparently his face makes one.

"I made my choice, Dean," Castiel stands squarely in front of Dean, and Dean somehow stands to meet him. "Heaven can run securely without me. You put your faith in me still, in spite of everything, and you taught me to put my faith in you. And I'm hoping that means I have a family here that will have me." It's only then that Cas looks down slightly unsure.

"Of course," Dean manages to whisper. Cas is staying. Cas picked him, them, over Heaven and his brethren. It's overwhelming. But he's got to find some courage now if ever.

"Cas, I… There's so much I haven't said these past few months and… I guess you're back to full on angel now, so you don't exactly need me like you have." Dean looks down now, blushing. Cas's head snaps up with a pained look. "But, basically, just, I know you probably don't need sleep anymore, but," he knows how to flirt, but he has no practice with angels with years of tension and months of sleeping heart to heart. "Basically, my bed still has room, if you ever still want to share."

Dean tries to shrug, but he's interrupted by two hands like iron on the sides of his face, and lips suddenly against his. He grabs Cas's wrists and kisses back with all his might. The kiss deepens, Cas's tongue invading Dean's mouth only to caress and undulate promises. Dean can only match him, as his hands run down Cas's arms, the feel of that eternal trench coat finally breaking the spell for a moment.

Dean pulls away only an inch to try to ask if he knew, how long Cas had felt this way too, anything, but only manages, "What?"

"I need you too, Dean." Castiel says hardly pulling back. "Six months of prayers hit me the moment my grace returned." He smirks again. His face doesn't move like his human one, but it's still so much more mobile than before. "All that time I attributed my own growing feelings to insecurity and need, and your own actions to kindness. But then I realized how many other prayers, how many years of things, I had misunderstood or felt I didn't deserve. And I realized my own feelings, even as an angel, had always drawn me to you." Cas looks Dean up and down before finishing. "It just took a few months of human perspective, I suppose, to understand what that meant."

And that's all it takes for Dean to grab Cas and kiss him like a drowning man gasping at air. Cas holds him, one hand behind his head, one around his waist, and pushes until Dean is against the opposite, clear wall. Pushing his body against him, they kiss and grab. Dean can't get enough now that he's allowed to hold Cas like this. He pulls at Cas's back as he moves to kiss at his jaw, lick at that little hollow of his neck that has teased him for too many years.

Cas sighs, nearly growls in pleasure, and that's it, Dean is hard as a rock in his jeans. He rocks against Cas's hip, unable to stop himself, and realizes Cas is fully, satisfyingly hard against him. Even through clothes it feels too good when they connect next to each other. Dean can barely hang on to sanity as he pants, "Cas" against his cheek, his ear, his lips as they kiss deeply again. They can't help starting to move together already.

"Damnit, Dean," Castiel growls and bites the side of Dean's neck as their clothes are suddenly gone. Dean was looking forward to revealing Cas, but the sudden feeling of skin on skin is so intense he can't seem to mind. His head jerks back, hitting the wall, as his hips jerk forward into Cas's.

Dean pulls him toward the bed- it takes a few tries as Cas doesn't seem to notice Dean's attempts at first, too concerned with sucking on Dean's collar bone as he grabs at his hips and thighs. They move, Dean pulling Cas down toward the bed. He tries his best not to freak out about what he's doing, in spite of what he knows he wants, but it's hard when Cas just stands there now, staring. He looks Dean up and down, taking in every inch. And then Dean's brain catches up that he can do the same. Castiel is amazed by Dean's calloused feet, muscular thighs and butt, surprisingly narrow waist and thick, heavy cock red and waiting. He knows he shouldn't love the ripple of muscle over his abdomen and slight softness there, but he's long past caring what angelic feelings should include. He stares at the broad chest, with its sadly needed tattoo and impossibly strong heart, and the muscular arms reaching toward him.

Dean takes in a man slightly softer but more finely sculpted, worn but renewed, slim legs and long muscles, hips with chiseled bones he needs to bite, a cock long and thick beyond what he would have expected. As he continues up the toned chest and working throat to meet Castiel's eyes- an angel's eyes filled with lust, he needs to know how it feels everywhere.

Finally Dean pulls Castiel down on top of him, and Cas comes willingly. He runs a hand through Dean's hair as he touches Dean's cock for the first time, just a light brush from base to tip. Dean thinks he might die from it, and quickly focuses on circling his own hand around Cas's considerable size. He raises his eyebrows and smiles at how Cas's face falls apart- goes slack with eyes closed, the scrunches up in near pain.

"Dean, that… oh, please don't stop," And Dean doesn't. He kisses Castiel as hard as he can, Cas trying to kiss back, and then suddenly pulls away. He'll be damned if Cas doesn't come for the first time inside of him. Again he tries not to be worried about something that seemed way less scary in fantasy.

Castiel's eyes snap open and he surges forward over Dean, grabbing his cock and working him in time with licks and bites to his chest and everywhere he can reach. Before Dean can even catch up Cas leans down and kisses the top of Dean's cock, taking the head of it in his mouth and moaning at the feel of it. Dean can hardly take it, and figures in millions of years of watching humans, apparently Cas must have learned a few things.

He pulls Cas's head up by the hair before it's too late, bringing their mouths together again, and circling his hand around the both of them. He jerks them hard just a few times as Cas thrusts against him, and it's heady losing control.

Cas has never felt anything like this, physically or otherwise, and yet it's still just another extension of the care and intimacy of the past few months; of the last few years really. This is the type of love his father meant to be shared, he is sure of it. He had no idea he would be so capable of feeling it, and suddenly he forgives the angelic fathers of all nephilim. The shock of such feeling after so many billions of years is simply overwhelming.

"Dean, you have to know, I love you, angel or human, grace or not, I love you," Castiel rasps, his eyes sincere and his body insistent.

Dean gasps, tries not to blush, but growls back, "I love you. So much. More than I thought I could." No sense pretending otherwise anymore.

Dean wraps a calf around Castiel's legs and says, as quietly as he can in Castiel's ear, "Cas, please, I want you now." He nearly begs it. And Castiel obliges. As Dean releases him, Cas leans up slightly to bring his hand down around Dean's balls, trailing until he finds his hole. Angelic powers have their use as a his fingers are suddenly warm and wet, and just that little display of power brings Dean all the closer, need him all the faster. Castiel kisses Dean over his chest, over his heart, as he starts to push his fingers inside, rolling in small circles, letting his own aching hardness drag against the side of Dean's thigh. It's nearly too much.

"Come on, Cas, please," Dean begs, hoping he's as ready as he feels. Castiel nods in agreement and kneels, pulling Dean's hips up over his own. Dean's cock is leaking precome as Cas lines himself up, and that mojo'ed warm wetness is all over Cas's cock again as he nudges at his entrance. Castiel leans forward, staring into Dean's eyes as he pushes in just an inch. He gasps, overwhelmed. The feeling of it, so tight and hot around him. The amazement that such a tiny movement, such a small shift, and his world is completely changed, completely right. Dean can't articulate the same even in his mind, but he nearly shorts out at the amazing feeling, the stretch and push of it better than he could have imagined. His muscles clearly being loosened to avoid pain by Cas himself.

Cas pushes into Dean the rest of the way in one long slide, ensuring he doesn't hurt him, until he's finally completely seated. He stops just a moment, taking in the perfect feeling all around him, and kissing Dean hard. As they kiss he starts to move at Dean's encouragement, first shallow drags in and out, then harder thrusts. He moves completely out then back in, and then again thrusts, sometimes hitting just the right spot that makes Dean's vision nearly white out.

Moving inside and surrounded by Dean, Castiel feels complete and Dean feels completed, and they can't stop. They grab at each other again, shoulders and forearms and hair. Cas brings his hands under Dean's shoulders and pulls him toward each thrust, hitting him that much harder. And holding them that much tighter, Dean's cock dragging against Cas's abdomen.

Castiel keeps going, harder and harder, wild. And seeing him like that is what finally pushes Dean over the edge. He comes with a scream and his head thrown back, pulling at Castiel's hair. Castiel stares in wonder as Dean jerks and spurts all over them, coming so hard it reaches the top of the bed, Castiel's own face. Cas doesn't seem to mind, he grins and starts moving again as Dean pants kisses against his lips.

He tries to keep going but when Dean clenches his legs tighter around Cas's back, holds him with his muscles inside, and kisses him with a tongue strong against his own, he can't hold on anymore. Before he knows what he's doing he's pounding into Dean with all his strength, hoping he's not hurting him but not able to do anything for it but keep going. He pistons in and out, crying out on little breaths, Dean pulling him by his ass in even harder. And then Cas is almost terrified by the intensity as he comes, jerking inside Dean, spilling into him and gripping him at his arms as he buries his face in Dean's shoulder, just above his eternal mark.

Finally Castiel comes to enough to lean up, look at Dean, amazed. Dean kisses him, warm and passionate, and smiles at him as Cas tries to regain himself. But even Castiel's muscles are weak and shocked, and once he pulls himself gently out, he simply waves away the mess and collapses on top of Dean, kissing him and breathing, running his hands all over him. Dean runs his hands over Cas's back, happy just touching and being touched, feeling better than he has in a long time, and only sore in the best ways.

"Dean," Cas begins, looking seriously into Dean's eyes as he rests back on the pillows, utterly wrecked, "I… I still want to stay here and rest with you, even if I don't need sleep. It would hurt to be away from you."

"Sure thing," Dean grins up at him. He leans up and kisses him firmly as he shuts off the lamp. They lie against each other, arms and legs wrapped around each other, holding each other close. Dean rests his head in Castiel's shoulder, kisses it, and breaths deeply.

And Dean falls asleep with an angel watching over him.


End file.
